Melissa, how do you identify yourself in terms of your gender?

I identify as a woman both mentally and physically. I live as a woman on a daily basis. If I were to identify as a man and live as a woman that would mean I would not be in sync with myself as a person, my gender, spirit, and identity.

 

 

At what point in your life did you know that you were transgender?

I knew in my early 30’s that I was transgender. However, prior to that I always knew that I was different to the other boys at school. Growing up in Auckland, as early as 10 years of age, I realized that I was different from every other boy at school. My preference was to be and spend time with the girls. I didn’t fully comprehend or understand this at the time, however somehow deep down knew that this was ok.

 

 

"I basically went out as women ‘part-time’."

 

How did this express itself to you? What were some of the thoughts you had? Did people in your surrounding notice?

In my teens, I started dressing as a female and wearing my mother’s clothing. I also did this as an adult, prior to moving to Melbourne from Auckland in 1999. Coming to Melbourne allowed me to be myself and go out as such. So, I basically went out as women ‘part-time’.

I am sure some people noticed who I was. To a certain degree, I did care whether people knew or not, however except a few close friends most people didn’t know. I find that I was accepted by other transgender people, but society, in general, didn’t really.

 

You ‘transitioned’ in 2015. Tell us about that process: How long does it take, what does it involve physically and emotionally?

The transition is an ongoing process, it can take a lifetime for some people because of their situation. Physically and emotionally it is different for each individual. As far as timeframe goes that will also depend on the individual involved and their financial circumstances.

 

For me, it is a dream to have proper breasts. However, the involved costs are immense and it seems people like me get fobbed off by the medical profession about this. It is all very emotionally exhausting. Lack of support from family and friends means that you can be isolated and need to figure many things out on your own. There are a few support groups which can be of some help and assistance.

 

"It is a dream to have proper breasts for me." 

 

Is a transition ever 'over'? Do you feel happy with your gender expression today?

 

Transition is an ongoing process of figuring yourself out, where you fit in the spectrum of life, and with regards to your gender. Whilst physically it may appear your transition is over, it really never is. You are constantly coming out to others about who you are.

 

I am open, comfortable and happy with my gender expression of female today. For those who do not understand or accept this, I have come to terms with the fact that whilst I can influence this to a certain extent, I cannot control it. Other people’s reaction to the way I express my gender is their reaction, not mine. As long as I am happy with who I am, both mentally and spiritually, then that is all that matters in the end.

 

 

"It is an emotional relief being able to be yourself and, like any other woman in the world, use the women’s bathroom."

 

How did you feel the first time you walked into a public bathroom after your transition? What emotion did you have?

I have walked into a female bathroom prior to living a ‘full-time’ female life, so it was not a big issue. I was glad I could not be rejected from going into the toilet as female. It also felt like this was the ‘real me’ and like the thing I should have always been doing.  

Emotionally it has been hard going to the men’s bathroom knowing that you don’t feel comfortable going there or knowing that it is not really you. It is an emotional relief being able to be yourself and, like any other woman in the world, use the women’s bathroom.

 

How did you decide upon your new name?

I chose ‘Melissa’ a long time ago, when I was living part-time as a transgender female prior to my transition. The name had resonated in my spirit for a long time when I was still living as a male.

 

 

"They would call me ‘Sir’ and treat me as a male. Some would display shock or you could hear disapproval in their voice."

 

 

I am trying to think of all the administrative things, questionnaires etc. where I have ever registered or identified as female. In terms of administration, what do you do after you have changed your gender? Any surprising things you needed to do?

I changed my passport to my new female name and gender, with Medicare and the banks. I needed to wait five weeks off work until I could make the change since I needed the new passport. I also had to change all credit cards and needed to update memberships with my new details.

What surprised me was the lack of awareness or consideration about how to treat me as a transgender person by some organizations when calling them to get information about how to update my details. They would call me ‘Sir’ and treat me as a male. Some would display shock or you could hear disapproval in their voice. Even recently, I have had a call from an organization and the person treated me as a ‘joke’ or a ‘ladyboy’ and made lewd and sexual comments towards me.